Archive for The Smart Divorce

Oct
16

Getting Through a Military Divorce

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Our guest, Matt Hamel  is a family law lawyer who understands military divorce.  With legal skills forged in the crucible of the Military Justice System, Matt is an unyielding advocate for military wives, female service members and the children of military families.

Recognizing the lack of easily available information about military divorces and Virginia law, Matt joined forces with the Hofheimer/Ferrebee law firm to co-author an informative book about Virginia family law and it’s impact on military families. Equally important, the book discusses entitlements due military wives as a result of their marriage to military members.

Armed with knowledge as a former Navy JAG officer and motivated with an advocate’s passion to help women through the family crisis of divorce, Matt also wanted to honor female military spouses who often serve their nation in quiet desperation as their family life unravels. Thus, he not only co-authored this book, but he also joined the Hofheimer/Ferrebee firm in order to represent women exclusively in divorce and custody matters. Matt’s not just “talking the talk,” he’s “walking the walk.”

Topics in this program include:

  • What makes a military divorce different from a civilian divorce
  • Where should a military divorce occur
  • How will deployment and new duty stations impact child custody arrangements
  • Do I need to be married for 10-years to my military spouse to be able to get a portion of his retirement?
  • What is the Survival Benefit Plan and is it worth it to elect this?
  • Will my medical benefits cease upon my divorce (health benefits are free to military members and their dependents)?  What about medical benefits for our children after the divorce?
  • What is a 20/20/20 spouse and what is a 20/20/15 spouse?
  • And, so much more!

(http://www.virginiadivorceattorney.com/bio/matthew-r-hamel.cfm)

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Oct
07

A Dad’s Point of View: The Joys of Being a Single Parent

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Our guest, Bruce Sallan shares his story of becoming a first-time dad, to a son, four days after his 40th birthday, less than 9 months after getting married (they got pregnant on the honeymoon). His second son was born three years later. When Bruce’s sons were still quite young, he left his job as Vice President ABC Motion Pictures for Television to become a full-time dad and to care for his ailing parents, the classic “sandwich” situation.

Shortly thereafter, his marriage ended and his wife abandoned their children, leaving the state. He became a full-time single dad, in his late-forties. Hear Bruce share his lessons and musings on being a single dad.

Topics in this program include:

  • Reactions from friends and acquaintances about being a single stay at home dad
  • The inherent differences in the parenting styles of mothers and fathers
  • How gender differences affecting parenting, friendships and dating
  • A single dad’s view on custody and the children’s best interests
  • Triumph over heartbreak; new ventures and lessons learned
  • The real importance of being a single parent
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Sep
30

The Power of Forgivness

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The forgiveness journey – how to make it happen

Our guest, Mark Rye is an Associate Professor of Psychology at Skidmore College. Mark’s research interests are in the field of positive psychology. He has studied the impact of forgiveness on post-divorce adjustment and has developed and evaluated interventions designed to help divorced individuals forgive their ex-spouse.  Recently, he has become interested in how forgiveness of an ex-spouse relates to parenting approach.

In this informative and thought provoking interview we discuss what is forgiveness, and how to achieve it – so that angry thoughts do not hold you back from moving on.  We explore how forgiveness is a journey and how your thoughts, feelings and behavior can transform you.

This is a very powerful and forgiving program! If you have any questions about this topic, please email Mark Rye at mrye@skidmore.edu

More information and resources may also be found at the Fetzer Institute http://www.fetzer.org/resources

  • Topics in this program include:
  • Strategies for letting go of your anger
  • What is forgiveness
  • Understanding the forgiveness journey
  • What does research show about the relationship between forgiveness of an ex-spouse and post-divorce adjustment?
  • Forgiveness interventions
  • What are some of the unique challenges that divorced individuals face with respect to forgiveness?
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Sep
22

Being the Strong Man a Woman Wants

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This program on The Smart Divorce radio show with Deborah Moskovitch features Elliott Katz, author of seven nonfiction books.  Elliott teaches the principles he shares in his book: Being a Strong Man a Woman Wants

After the end of a relationship, Elliott sought to learn about being a man in a relationship. He found books on marriage and relationships said little to him. He found powerful timeless insights in the lessons that fathers and other older male role models taught younger men. People started seeking his advice and would say, “Why didn’t someone tell me this before?”

Moving beyond the trendy ideas about a man’s role – that just don’t seem to work – Elliott shares insights on being a man that have withstood the test of time. Interestingly, these insights are the traits that he heard many women complain were lacking in men today – showing leadership, making decisions and taking responsibility.

Topics in this program include:

  • Why are women so frustrated with today’s men?
  • How does growing up without strong male role models affect men today?
  • The lack of “quality” men is a common complaint from women today. What happened to today’s men?
  • Does today’s strong woman today want a strong man?
  • What are the traits of a strong man?
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Aug
03

One Man’s Exploration into His Multiple Divorces

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In this episode of The Smart Divorce, our guest is Boyd Lemon, a retired lawyer, who reinvented himself as a writer, discusses his memoir Digging Deep:  A Writer Uncovers His Marriages.  This memoir is written with brutal honesty about the process of coming to understand himself and the failure of his marriages.  Boyd’s coming of age as a highly paid lawyer provides insight  into the Mad Man like excesses of the seventies. 

Topics in this program include:

  • Mistakes and lessons learned from each marriage and three divorces
  • How the children were affected by each divorce
  • Sex, drink and rock n’ roll – the impact on marriage and divorce
  • The importance of introspection
  • Exploring the relationships of ex wives
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Jul
19

What Should We Tell the Children About our Separation or Divorce?

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Our guest, Joan Kelly PhD., a Clinical Psychologist, is an internationally recognized expert on divorce and children’s adjustment and interventions designed to assist parents and enhance resiliency in children. Dr. Kelly has been studying the impact of divorce on children since 1968. She is an author, therapist, mediator, and parenting coordinator with four decades of experience working with high conflict parents who are separating.

Dr. Kelly shares her insights and wisdom on telling your children about your divorce– providing script ideas and important messages. She will guide you through the conversation and preparation you need to do.  Having this conversation is not one most parents want to have, as only 5% of parents actually sit down and explain to their children about this significant change in their life.  Yet, telling your children about separation and divorce is critical if you truly want to do what is in your children’s best interest, and minimize the negative effects of divorce on children.

To obtain more information on talking about separation and divorce and to purchase Dr. Kelly’s booklet: What Should We Tell the Children, written for the Association of American Matrimonial Lawyers contact www.aaml.org.

Topics in this program include:

  • Why is it so important to talk with your children at this time
  • Why do parents find it so difficult to talk with their children?
  • Preparing to talk with your children about the separation
  • What to say to your children and how do you say it?
  • What to say to your children about why you are separating
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Jun
20

Moving from Our Home to My Home

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Deirdre Dyment is an interior designer who believes in designing an overall experience at home that leaves you spiritually energized and equipped to live your life passionately.  Deirdre knows all too well, there’s much more involved in leaving the matrimonial home than packing a suitcase and signing a lease. When she separated from her husband in 2007, she, unusually, helped him get set up in his new place, from stripping the floors and painting the walls to measuring and ordering furniture. They also got their two kids involved in creating their bedrooms.

The experience has since motivated Dyment to launch a novel service – post-divorce decorating – that assists in feathering the nests of newly single men in particular, whether it’s coordinating their renovations or sourcing and installing art to enliven their empty walls.

Topics in this program include:

• What are the different things can be done to make transition easier and less disruptive for children
• The emotional strain of leaving the family home; where to live, how much to spend and do you rent or purchase
• Creating an environment that will inspire and get the individual that has moved excited about the next chapter of their life
• Creating a space that reflects your personality and happiness

http://www.deirdredymentdesign.com

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Jun
08

Saving Marriages and Divorce Reform

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Our guest, Chris Gersten (http://www.divorcereform.info), is a former high ranking official in the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, serving in both Bush administraions. He was responsible for launching the Federal government’s Healthy Marriage Initiative, creating a national organization to reform divorce laws in the U.S. and educate the public about the impact of divorce.

The result is the launch of the Coalition for Divorce Reform, formed in order to increase awareness of the negative impact of divorce, encourage discussion and debate about the effect of divorce on our culture, and support passage of divorce reform legislation. Topics in this program include:

• How the Coalition for Divorce Reform is trying to make a difference
• Why marriage counseling does not work; education and alternatives
• The importance of marriage education and the potential to save marriage
• The importance of a waiting period before filing for divorce
• Understanding relationships, the impact of divorce and so much more

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May
25

Achieving Peace, Harmony and Forgiveness with an Ex

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Award winning writer/producer Arlene Sarner has written for every major movie studio including. Arlene is a talented and engaging writer who shares her story about forgiveness, personal transformation and moving on.  Arlene shares her very powerful story of turning years of acrimony and hostility towards her ex husband, into a now peaceful and civil relationship and says” So don’t lose hope–even the most rancorous relationships with exes can eventually shift into civility” http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arlene-sarner/an-ex-passover-guest_b_852318.html?ref=tw

Topics in this program include:

• The Lunch with the ex and how it changed everything
• Forgiveness, the power to forgive and letting go
• How letting go of anger changed a family.

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May
18

The Fight to Save a Marriage and Thoughts on Divorce Reform

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When Beverly Willett was faced with divorce she did something few have tried… challenging the divorce in court.  She wanted desperately to save her marriage and avoid divorce.  Beverly has extensive knowledge about the judicial system, both from her research and personal experience, and is passionate about divorce reform.

Beverly www.beverlywillett.com, is an author and former attorney. Her articles about divorce, marriage and parenting have appeared in many publications, including The New York Times, Newsweek, Woman’s Day, Family Circle, Prevention, Salon.com, Parenting and The Daily Beast. She’s a regular contributor to The Huffington Post Divorce page, a former Contributing Editor to Chicken Soup for the Soul Magazine, and a long-time advisor to Parentalwisdom.com. For the past year, she has been consulting with groups and individuals about divorce reform on a pro bono basis. She is the chair of the advisory committee for the Coalition for Divorce Reform. (http://www.divorcereform.info/)

Topics in this program include:

• The Impossible Dream: The Fight to Save Beverly’s Marriage
• Giving up on your career for your children
• The differences and flaws between No Fault vs. Fault Divorce
• When mom’s break up: Coping with the loss of friendships post divorce
• How the Coalition for Divorce Reform is making a difference.

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Divorce Source Radio is the nation’s most listened to Free Audio Source for information related to divorce. We interview leading divorce attorneys, psychologists, family counselors and experts in the field of divorce to provide you advice and support during and after your divorce.

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