Archive for Beyond Divorce
The dissolution of a marriage is a major life transition that entails having to make some of the toughest decisions of your life at a time when you are least able to.
Not knowing what to do — and not being able to learn or take in information about these areas of your life that could potentially impact you and your kids for years to come — means that you have to depend on others for help.
Finding the right professionals early on may be easier said than done, but all you need is one professional you like and trust to get started. You can then ask her for assistance in getting the other team members together. If you’re lucky, a divorce network will already exist in your area.
In this episode of Beyond Divorce, Susan Pease Gadoua provides answers to commonly asked questions from people going through divorce. These answers are provided by the Divorce Dream Team, a group who has come together to provide “one-stop-shopping” resources for women going through divorce.
Contacts mentioned in the show: Susan Bross (415) 479-1290 – Kathleen Daly (415) (415) 464-3539 – Dianne Morrison (415) 459-3291 – Delores Schoffman (415) 927-6999 x 782 – Susan Pease Gadoua (415) 257-0830
One of the most common questions newly divorcing people have for me is, “how long will it take before I’m over this divorce ordeal?”
How long it takes to “recover” from a divorce depends on a number of factors, including how long you were together, how good the relationship was and how committed you were to your spouse, whether the divorce was a surprise to you or not, whether you have children together, whether you or your spouse are involved in a new relationship, your personality, your age, your socio-economic status and on and on.
In addition, grief has a life of its own and you are done when your grief process is done, and not a minute before. There is no magic formula and no way to get through your grief on the fast track. But you can do things to slow your process down. In addition, grief has a life of its own and you are done* when your grief process is done, and not a minute before. There is no magic formula and no way to get through your grief on the fast track. But you can do things to slow your process down.
In this episode of Beyond Divorce, Susan Pease Gadoua discusses this topic and includes the top ten list of Do’s and Don’ts for divorce recovery and much more.
This episode of Beyond Divorce with Susan Pease Gadoua, Discusses the challenge and rewards of co-parenting post divorce.
How co-parenting goes post divorce depends to a large degree on how it was during the marriage: if it was difficult, it may be more difficult post divorce, and if it was good, it may be better. Often, the parenting dynamics are exaggerated so, even though the amount of contact with your ex is less, the intensity of the contact may be greater.
Challenges to overcome include being fearful that the other parent has less regard for the health and safety or your child, disapproving or your ex’s parenting style, feeling a sense of competition with your ex and using your children as pawns.
In divorce, there are often feelings of anger, sadness and hurt – co-parenting is no exception. It’s important to get adequate emotional support as well as co-parenting education. Learning effective communication styles can be crucial in having a better working experience.
In episode #3 of Beyond Divorce, Susan Pease Gadoua discusses Not Missing the Lessons from Past Relationships & How to Not Make the Same Mistakes – Regardless of what went wrong in the marriage or past relationships, YOU were part of the equation.
The “stories” we have about what went wrong in past relationships are revealing as to where our unhealed wounds reside. If you don’t work on healing them, they will show up in the next relationship too!
This program will help you better understand and identify patterns that may not have served you in past relationships and suggests how to do your inner work so that you can avoid these behaviors from resurfacing again in future relationships.
- Learn the three reasons why people are attracted to each other and stay together
- Learn the three dynamics at work in steering the relation-ship
- Learn the three steps in breaking unhealthy relationship dynamics
- Learn better communication skills and how to not shut your partner out during an argument
- And much more
In episode #2 of Beyond Divorce with Susan Pease Gadoua, we discuss finding a “New Normal” after your divorce.
Settling in with a “New Normal” post divorce can seem impossible but it will eventually happen for those who put the effort into making it happen. The impact of divorce on your life is like throwing a large rock into a pond: there are lots of ripples and it takes a while for things to settle down again.
Topics covered are:
- Understanding the three main areas of transition people experience during and after divorce
- Having realistic expectations about how long it should take to find a new normal
- What you can do if you think you should be feeling better but you’re not
- Staying open to the new normal not being anywhere near what you thought it would be (it’s usually better!)
In the first episode of Beyond Divorce, Susan Pease Gadoua discusses dating and sex post divorce.
Dating and sex after divorce can be a challenge. Pondering what to wear on a date, where to go, who pays, not to mention how you even find people to date in this brave new world of Internet match-ups, is getting over your reluctance to take a stab at it. Why is it so hard?
The post-divorce period can also be a time of new sexual discoveries and these sexual experiences can be absolutely fabulous-and very different from what you were used to, especially as your marriage deteriorated. Susan helps us prepare for the next chapter of our new life in this program.
Topics in the program include:
- When is it the right time to begin dating after divorce?
- How to find a date
- Representing yourself honestly during the dating process
- Pitfalls of dating to watch out for
- New sexual relationships
- Being upfront regarding a STD
- And much more.